


safer in your arms than in my head

by gazelonger



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Bobby is barely here, Buck Centric, Buddie (Relationship), Christopher is mentioned, Fluff, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:55:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24009217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gazelonger/pseuds/gazelonger
Summary: It had been hard for Buck to fall asleep knowing what waited for him in his slumber, so he resorted to taking a sleeping medication which helped him fall asleep easily.Only problem is, he had run out the other night. And he had been so busy lately that he hadn’t had the chance to get more. Irrationally, maybe—definitely—Buck had just decided he was better off staying awake.
Relationships: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 224





	safer in your arms than in my head

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first post on here in a very long time. I hope you enjoy this incredibly soft one shot.  
> I hope you are all safe and well!

In comparison to twenty-four-hour shifts, twelve-hour-shifts were usually a piece of cake. Buck looked forward to them, even, because that meant he could go back to work the next day instead of being cooped up in his apartment while he recuperated.

The only reason he hadn’t been enjoying this one was because he was exhausted.

Going to sleep hadn’t been easy ever since the tsunami. Buck’s dreams were riddled with floating corpses and a never-ending search for Christopher. Sometimes he recognized the corpses’ faces as those of Maddie or his team and their families. Other times he was never able to break the surface to even _try_ and begin searching for Christopher.

The first few weeks, when the nightmares were really bad, Buck woke up screaming himself raw. His vocal cords had been torn to shreds, and it would take him longer than he’d care to admit to realize that he was awake and safe, and that everyone else was, too. And, being alone in his apartment and not wanting to wake anyone up to drag them into his mess, Buck had to calm himself down on his own. It had been hard to fall asleep knowing what waited for him in his slumber, so he resorted to taking a sleeping medication which helped him fall asleep easily.

Only problem is, he had run out the other night. And he had been so busy lately that he hadn’t had the chance to get more. Irrationally, maybe— _definitely_ —Buck had just decided he was better off staying awake.

Personal issues aside, it had been a busy day. First call was to rescue a woman and her infant from a car which had overturned. Second call was to put out a blazer in a motel which was violating _several_ health code guidelines. Then there had been three calls to put out house fires. Three! And not a single break between them. With a lot of hard work, everyone got out safely on all calls—minor injuries aside—and the day was almost over. Buck could barely keep his eyes open on the ride back to the station.

A boot nudged his own. Buck jerked his head up, focusing on Eddie who was sitting in front of him.

“You tired, man?” Eddie asked. Buck lifted the corner of his mouth and nodded sheepishly.

“Yeah,” he admitted. And he was. He was going to pick up more of that medicine on his way home from work.

“You look like hell,” Eddie said, and Buck laughed lightly at that. He was positive he did, and he would have normally shot back something along the lines of ‘ _You’re one to talk_ ,’ but he just didn’t have the energy. He let his eyes slip shut again and tilted his head back.

He didn’t feel Eddie eyeing him warily.

When they made it back to the station, Buck was aware of how slowly he moved when he took off his gear. The hot water in the shower was relaxing as all hell, and it was a feat of its own that Buck didn’t collapse right there on the tiled floor.

Buck didn’t want to sleep, anyways. Not now. Not when the threat of nightmares plagued his mind.

He turned the faucet towards cold, and speedily rinsed the grime from his skin.

Bobby was cooking dinner in the loft when Buck headed up. It smelled ridiculously good. He offered to help, but Bobby insisted he was almost done. Buck set the table, then sat on the sofa.

He must have dozed off, because he didn’t notice that Eddie was sitting next to him until the older man rubbed his arm lightly. “Hey,” Eddie was whispering, and Buck rubbed the back of his fists against his groggy eyes. When Buck finally realized that Eddie was there, he felt pinned under the man’s concerned frown.

“Did you get _any_ sleep last night?” Eddie asked like he already knew the answer. Buck’s cheeks warmed under the scrutinizing gaze. It was bad enough he had a crush on the man, but did he have to be a damn know-it-all, too?

“Not since Thursday night,” Buck admitted. There wasn’t any use lying when he was already caught.

“Buck, it’s _Saturday_.”

Buck cleared his throat, looking away.

“What’s going on?” Eddie pushed. He rested one hand on Buck’s shoulder comfortingly, and Buck felt his stomach flip. “Why haven’t you slept?”

Buck bit the inside of his lip, then glanced at Eddie. He didn’t look angry, he just looked worried. Not that either was something Buck wanted to make Eddie feel, but he almost wishes Eddie was angry. He knows how to deal with anger. Worry…not so much. He didn’t know how to react to that kind of attention.

“I ran out of this medicine I’ve been taking to help me sleep,” Buck said, shifting on the couch. His voice was low; so low that Eddie had to lean in slightly to hear him. “It…it stops nightmares.”

Eddie considered him for a moment, and just when Buck thought that he was going to call him a coward, or selfish, or stupid, the man surprised him by standing up.

“Come on,” he said. Buck’s mouth fell open slightly, but he pushed off the couch to follow him.

Eddie ended up taking him back to the bunks. Buck hesitated by the door, and Eddie clearly sensed this because he looked over his shoulder and held out his hand. “Come on,” he said again in a softer voice. Ears hot, Buck took Eddie’s hand, and let the man lead him to his bunk.

Eddie turned down the bed, then clambered in. He pats the empty space for Buck, who—dumbstruck—obediently lies down beside him.

They both lie on their sides, facing one another, and Buck willed himself to appear calm as Eddie pulled the blanket over their shoulders. He was incredibly close to Eddie, who smelled like soap and vaguely like smoke which, Buck knew from experience, wouldn’t go away from one shower alone.

“Christopher has nightmares sometimes, too,” Eddie said in a quiet tone.

Buck’s heart ached for the boy. “The tsunami?” He asks. But he already knows.

“Yeah. They’re less frequent now, though.” He looked away momentarily, like he was thinking about whether to say something else, and when he returned his gaze it was soft but also knowing. “But they only got better when he talked about them with someone.”

Buck felt his eyes sting at that, and he had to look away from Eddie’s heavy expression.

“The medicine has been working just fine,” Buck argued weakly.

“Yeah, until you ran out—”

“I was going to get more tonight—” Buck started, looking back to Eddie now, but Eddie cut him off like he had done.

“Yeah, but _after_ your shift? You could have gotten hurt, Buck.”

Buck felt a tear slide down over the bridge of his nose and onto the pillow, but he didn’t care. He was so tired. And Eddie was right.

“I know,” he whispered. His eyes were glassy as he looked helplessly at Eddie. “But I was too scared to sleep. I didn’t want…I _hate_ them.”

Eddie lifted his hand to hold the side of Buck’s face in a soothing gesture, his thumb stroking under his eye.

“I know, I know,” Eddie hushed. Buck closed his eyes, too far gone to care that he leaned closer into Eddie’s space, which was warm and soft. If anything, Eddie didn’t seem to mind at all. He was pulling him closer, actually.

“But I’m here now. Okay? And you’re gonna sleep. And if you have any nightmares, I’ll be right here for you when you wake up,” Eddie said. He pressed his forehead against Buck’s and carded his fingers through his hair, too. Buck exhaled shakily, nodding his head. Heat was radiating from Eddie, and Buck’s skin burned nicely where Eddie was touching him, and he found himself _wanting_ to give into his exhaustion now.

“Sleep, Buck,” Eddie whispered, his own eyes watching the worry lines disappear from Buck’s face as his breathing evened out.

Buck decided that it would be okay if he went to sleep. And for the first time in what felt like a very long time, Buck didn’t think he had to be concerned about any nightmares haunting his mind. Eddie was holding him, and he felt safe.

**Author's Note:**

> I posted the same story on my tumblr (gazelonger). Give me a follow if you'd like to!  
> Thank you for reading!


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